When Everything Changes Without Your Permission…

The past two months, since I was last on this site have been a strange ride indeed. Cancer changes everything, but that is not necessarily bad. In my case it has opened me up to what is possible. I have plans for this website, and this time it is all me. No more playing small and second guessing what I want to do. I know. I have known all along, I just refused to allow it. That is about to change dramatically.

So, where to begin? Other than learning to navigate life with cancer I have in fact been working. I have been part of the first offering Patti Digh’s new writing course Verb Tribe. It has been a welcome dose of daily inner work that I especially need in this uncertain time in my life. Patti has a way of unraveling you gently even when the punches are sometimes hard. Early in the course we were asked to consider edges and that was my biggest reveal so far. Here is what I wrote.

A blind contour drawing of my day. Ants crawl along the edges of everything.

Edges are everywhere, most immediately on this paper – four crisp white edges to contain my observations.

May those observations not be so contained, and includes some abstract edges, the edges of my thoughts and experience…

The always somewhat ragged edges of my fingernails, I notice and pick at while I wait at the cancer center. An appointment for what? New patient consult says the order.

“That must be a lot to handle? How do you cope with (an edge like) diagnosis of Stage Four Cancer?”

A Psychiatrist it turns out, to pick at the edges of my psyche.

How? I see it as an invitation to live, to go beyond my edges, far beyond…

I have always thought I enjoyed life on the edge, the thrill of risk, uncommitted, but what I want now is to sink into it with all of myself.

To get into the deep soft middle of it rather than balancing on the edges. There are edges in there too I suppose.

Always another layer with a new edge. Soft, hard, rough and smooth, soaked in loves light and the stench of death. I am going in.

So I am going in, but not alone. My other big event so far this year was The Art of Earning Live last week. I realized recently that I have a very dysfunctional relationship with money and the idea of wealth. No more. I understand now that I can only do my best work in the world if I can receive as well as give.  I can only give what I have, and I haven’t had much of late. If I continue as I have been I will have even less. Cancer is expensive! This website has been pretty much stagnant in terms of generating income, and that is going to change. So will my work and offers be changing.

Rather than set my self up for problems with promises of launch dates etc. I invite you to follow me, and help me build my new business. I will be posting new ideas and asking a lot of questions as I move on. Much of it I know, but I want this to be a business built on a relationship. A relationship with you.

Are you with me? Let’s go in…

    X Marks the Spot ‘OR’ CAUTION: Real Boobs Ahead!

    A few weeks ago I posted on Facebook “Everything is changing.” I had no idea! This poor website has been through 3 or 4 major changes in 2011 and here we go again. The artwork has not changed much in the past year, but my intentions and desires have. Now change is happening I could…

    I have a new blog!

    HERE

    I thought I knew, but now I know…

    now I know that knowing sometimes sucks. I haven’t written here since the end of November! Not because I have nothing to say, or did not want to. Just too much else. To get back into it I am participating in “The Week of Looking Inward” hosted by Patti Digh and Susan Piver. Since everything…

    What’s Wrong With this Picture???

    Perhaps I should have asked how many things are wrong with this picture? I could begin my rant right now, but allow me to back track a wee bit. I have been scrambling this month with year end to dos and struggling not to berate myself for all I am not getting done. Last week…

    In Which I Go Out On a Limb & Contradict Myself

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    There will be an answer, let it be.

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    I’m Dreaming of a White Halloween

    Climate change is strange. This past weekend we had snow and it was beautiful to see all that white against the fall leaves. It also caused an awful amount of damage. Many are still without electricity and the tree damage is significant all over. All that and we only got a few inches. I haven’t…

    Being the Boss of Me: Advantages and Pitfalls

    Not quite two weeks ago Laura Simms wrote a post titled “Would You Hire You?”. I knew right away I would do a follow up post, because it woke me up, again, to some problems I face being the boss of me. The gist of the article is how good are you at taking direction…

    Two, two, two posts in one!

    Do you remember the commercial my title mimics? You have to be pretty old It is one of those that sticks in your head like it or not. That’s advertising, and that is not what I am here to talk about, at least not in the mass marketing big corporation sense. I am here to…