When Everything Changes Without Your Permission…

The past two months, since I was last on this site have been a strange ride indeed. Cancer changes everything, but that is not necessarily bad. In my case it has opened me up to what is possible. I have plans for this website, and this time it is all me. No more playing small and second guessing what I want to do. I know. I have known all along, I just refused to allow it. That is about to change dramatically.

So, where to begin? Other than learning to navigate life with cancer I have in fact been working. I have been part of the first offering Patti Digh’s new writing course Verb Tribe. It has been a welcome dose of daily inner work that I especially need in this uncertain time in my life. Patti has a way of unraveling you gently even when the punches are sometimes hard. Early in the course we were asked to consider edges and that was my biggest reveal so far. Here is what I wrote.

A blind contour drawing of my day. Ants crawl along the edges of everything.

Edges are everywhere, most immediately on this paper – four crisp white edges to contain my observations.

May those observations not be so contained, and includes some abstract edges, the edges of my thoughts and experience…

The always somewhat ragged edges of my fingernails, I notice and pick at while I wait at the cancer center. An appointment for what? New patient consult says the order.

“That must be a lot to handle? How do you cope with (an edge like) diagnosis of Stage Four Cancer?”

A Psychiatrist it turns out, to pick at the edges of my psyche.

How? I see it as an invitation to live, to go beyond my edges, far beyond…

I have always thought I enjoyed life on the edge, the thrill of risk, uncommitted, but what I want now is to sink into it with all of myself.

To get into the deep soft middle of it rather than balancing on the edges. There are edges in there too I suppose.

Always another layer with a new edge. Soft, hard, rough and smooth, soaked in loves light and the stench of death. I am going in.

So I am going in, but not alone. My other big event so far this year was The Art of Earning Live last week. I realized recently that I have a very dysfunctional relationship with money and the idea of wealth. No more. I understand now that I can only do my best work in the world if I can receive as well as give.  I can only give what I have, and I haven’t had much of late. If I continue as I have been I will have even less. Cancer is expensive! This website has been pretty much stagnant in terms of generating income, and that is going to change. So will my work and offers be changing.

Rather than set my self up for problems with promises of launch dates etc. I invite you to follow me, and help me build my new business. I will be posting new ideas and asking a lot of questions as I move on. Much of it I know, but I want this to be a business built on a relationship. A relationship with you.

Are you with me? Let’s go in…

    17 Responses to When Everything Changes Without Your Permission…
    1. eleanor
      March 2, 2012 | 9:38 pm

      Looking forward to see what is next!

      • eleanor
        March 2, 2012 | 9:39 pm

        ing ;-D

    2. Megan Hazel
      March 3, 2012 | 2:37 am

      Gwyn!! Awesome.

    3. Laura
      February 14, 2013 | 5:20 pm

      Brave. Real. Keep writing.

    4. Alison
      February 19, 2014 | 10:58 pm

      What a great post. I am on a similar journey, though I’m exploring ways to sell ideas (to change the world). I am a two-time cancer survivor (!) and remember when I faced it the first time, I started writing following the program laid out in The Artist’s Way. If you haven’t read it, I would definitely check it out.

      Be kind to yourself and keep us posted!

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      When Everything Changes Without Your Permission… |